We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
