I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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