He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize