Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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