I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My cat gives me a boner
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
