Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
