Barsexuality is the new black.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
