I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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