Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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