I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
