My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
