Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
