yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
