you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
