you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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