After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
