yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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