hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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