non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize