his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
