chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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