i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
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we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
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That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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