don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
