i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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