you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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