peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
