Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
