If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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