My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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