you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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