Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
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Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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