And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You need a sexual gate keeper
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
