My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
