I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
