I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
