Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
