Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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