we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
