no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
