Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
