So drunk its hurt
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I forgot wine drunk hurts
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
