Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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