Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
