I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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