worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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