There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
