I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
