okay pat passed out under dana's car
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
