3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
