was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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