definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
