it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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