Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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