Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
