I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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