i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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