we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
