I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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