grandma shit on top of the toilet
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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