So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Say something about gay babies.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
