Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you will always have a special place in my vag
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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