This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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