my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
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