He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
