If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
