thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
