Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
