even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
