so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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