I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
