But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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